Where am I?

From a recent stream-of-conciousness:
I am in the middle of a change, as always. but I'd probably say the end of the beginning of the change that I am making, and the beginning of everything.
Yes, I am married and have three kids, but that is such an easy way to identify me.
It brings up notions of laundry and school, and rushing out the door with a snack half-packed for my oldest daughter who is in Kindergarten. It brings up visions of me at work, taking a break from my family life, and moving towards the end of the day, when I rush to go pick everyone up and go home with them--so we can all eat dinner as a family.
Yes, that is all me: but then there is me as a woman.
I finally am beginning to trust myself and my own judgement, finally making plans on my own judgement, not waiting for my husband to give us a direction when he doesn't find one himself.
There is much I could say: my fear that my trip back towards my Jewish roots--I am hauling my whole family along with me...
but we are all going one way--like a barge--I am hauling them over my shoulder.
...I want to relax and let us float--but I know that we are not in the current yet.
...We might get scattered and lost--going in different directions.
I am waiting for the strong current, the strong movement that will carry us through to the end.
I am waiting for that strong tide to catch us up in its wake and bring us eventually to shore.
I don't know how I'll know for sure that we are in the strong current, but I know for sure that I am finally moving in the right direction for my family, including me. Thanks for the opportunity to write.
Jan 20, 2007