Feminism?

First of all, thanks to those who are commenting on this issue of roles within a couple.
It is an important topic.

So I think I'm going to get into a little about why this is important (to me personally).

I am currently trying to define for myself what my role is as the 1/2 of a married couple.

There doesn't seem to be any role models that work that I can find. Well, except the local Rabbi-Rebbetzin seem perfect in the relatively short time I've known them.
And they are young and have kids like us, but they also are so busy with such orchestrated time and responsibilities, but would I understand if they had problems? Everything looks like lots of work+a clear support system+clear mind.
...I mean, is there time to be confused?
At the moment, these are the only healthy role models that I am aware of.
I have such respect for their positive life...

Is that what I want? A scheduled life like that? Does that fit my personality, and would it work for me?

In my own life I get so worked up trying to think: who should be doing the laundry? If I did all the laundry, would things get better? Would I have any time for myself EVER???????????????
If I did everything, would I be more calm, or more mean to my kids because I wouldn't want them to mess up the clean home?
So many questions...